99th Problem

One of Jay-Z (now officially Jay Z)'s peeves must've been clutter. I have a solution. Put your piles of crap all in one place, to the best of your ability. Put it far from where you need to be productive or calm. I put mine on my bed. I may have to find another place to sleep, but I got more work done today than I think I might've otherwise.

My Inspirations

My teacher Dana Flynn asked us to portray what inspires us. She emphasized thinking about what inspires us today, rather than yesterday or tomorrow.

Since breath is literal inspiration, I realized that I am currently being held up and pushed forward by things having to do with the movement of air. I wrote all this down more freely than I often do, letting my thoughts motivate and my fingers follow.

*

 "Can you give me a knockout / I'll turn it inside out."
--Air Waves

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do."
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Come as you are / As you were / As I want you to be."
--Nirvana

Kickboxing. (Gineen and Vlad and Emmanuel have helped me direct my breath and movement to a more badass place than I thought possible. They've given me a place to put my anger, and reasons to see past the things I thought I couldn't do and turn them into daily habits.) I can now put my old selves and my current self toward the same brave purpose, and there I find my eternal self.

* *

"Jailhouse gets empty."
--Sublime

"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it."
--Pablo Picasso

"I'm not afraid."
--Eminem

Forearm stand. (Because of Dana and Sheri and Mary Dana, I am flying up the wall daily, and I am awestruck at my own ability to push aside the boundaries I've built for myself. I love this feeling.) I'm more free than I thought I could be.

* * *

"Take my hand 'cause I know what you're going through / At the time I had no way of knowing"
--Cut Copy

"Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose--a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye."
--Mary Shelley

"He walked in circles till he was crazy and he lived that way forever"
--Neko Case 

The unseen. (Ali and Emily have opened my eyes to the subtle body and its powers.) I breathe into what I don't know and can't touch, and I'm suddenly aware of the energy that pulses through me and around me, and the things I can do to direct it into different physical and mental places.

* * 

"I love you 'cause you tell me things I want to know."
--The Beatles

"Find out who you are and do it on purpose."
--Dolly Parton

"And just where you are might be the right place / might be that sweet space / you don't know." 
--Blind Pilot

And, of course, my mother, the one who gave me breath in the first place, and held me through all life's difficulties, and and taught me to think as openly as possible. She is here with me as I breathe now, tracing her finger down the bridge of my nose like she did to calm me when I was a baby. Her baby. Her breath.

*

 "And who believes that my wildest dreams and craziest schemes will come true?"
--The Turtles

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Today is the greatest day I've ever known / Can't live for tomorrow"
--Smashing Pumpkins

Living (in) Love

I'm fizzing with excitement to get to yoga today. I just know there will be miracles - maybe small ones, but significant ones. Body ones, mind ones, community ones. This journey is one I've wanted to take for a long time, and now that I am here, I can't imagine being anywhere else.

It makes me think about the action of love. How active can it get? How outreaching, how outward tending, how careful, how thoughtful? One of our teachers tells us that the hardest person to love is yourself. How does that action help you love others?

I think for me the crux is attention and trust. Love isn't never having to say you're sorry, but it's being willing to, and knowing one how that the person you hurt won't disappear. It's wanting to do your best not to hurt them again. 

Namaste.